“You Can’t Let Anyone Dictate To You How You Should Live”

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Leah Remini, Reality television, Religion, Scientology, Television, Thought Control

Words to live by from the “Queen of Queens” Leah Remini on Dancing With the Stars, October 14, 2013.

Leah Remini had been a lifelong member of The Church of Scientology until earlier this year when she extricated herself from it’s clutches. I’m not sure why she hasn’t been more vocal regarding her reasons or the details that made her feel like escape was necessary and/or a positive direction in her life.

Nevertheless on the October 14th show her assigned dance was to be a contemporary piece to the tune of “Roar” by Katy Perry. The theme for the evening was the most important year in the contestant’s life. Leah chose to ask her professional dance partner to choreograph an interpretive number that would tell the story of her escape from those who controlled her puppet strings.

While not the slickest of dances, it was the best dance of the evening in my opinion. I got goosebumps. I could so relate to the imagery and message of this dance. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, “There is an incredible joy and peace that comes from living on the outside in a manner that matches how one feels on the inside.”

Watch. I hope anyone who needs to find their strength and find their power agrees.

See Also:

Scientology-Lite

Leah Remini forced to cut off ties with Scientology friends

Separated from longtime friends and facing hostility from some, “The King of Queens” actress finds the early days of her life after leaving the religion tricky to navigate.

Cult, Shmult (10 Friendly Suggestions)

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What is Real? My Experience on a Reality Gameshow

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Belief, Game show, Hollywood, Reality, Reality television, Television

(Reblogged from June 2011)

This airs tonight on ABC at 9pm (8 Central) Watch it! I’m the bald dude. (UPDATE: You can watch part of it here)

Most of us feel confident that we can distinguish between reality and fantasy. I tell myself that I can.  But I just had an experience that reminded me how tricky reality can be.

I was recently a contestant in a new game show… something akin to Wipeout meets Fear Factor where there are physical challenges but alongside pop culture questions in this case. When the show I took part in was filmed, the first episode hadn’t aired yet so those of us participating only had a vague idea of what we were doing.  While I think all 8 of us contestants would have loved to have won the cash prize, I think that only 1 of the 8 on my episode were doing it for that reason primarily. A few were doing it for camera time because they plan to work in the industry; a few just liked the idea of being on TV; a few just loved game shows and reality shows and wanted to join in the fun; a few of us were just the “I’ll do anything” type of people and look for new thrills to participate in; a few are getting old and participating in something like this made us feel younger; a few were too young to know better. I’d say a combination of some of those factors played into my saying, “Yes, I’ll do it!”

After the first episode aired last week, I read several reviews of the new show.  What intrigued me most of all were the public’s comments.  People commenting were aghast and horrified that contestants were so desperate that they willingly allowed themselves to be nearly tortured and abused for the remote chance of winning an average year’s salary. They were certain that these were poor, desperate unemployed folks doing something akin to selling a kidney for the chance at some money. All I know is that the people I met that day were not being unknowingly exploited…and that money was only a small part of the motivation.  These were a fun group of people…the kind of people you’d want to go to an amusement park with.

The cool part is that on that first episode that aired the stunts and challenges really did look dangerous enough that one would question the sanity of the participants… and the liability risk of the studio and production company. But what these  “rational” and “level-headed” comments failed to process and acknowledge was the chance that what they saw wasn’t as real as they perceived it. Their reaction actually proves the skill and and talent of Hollywood to produce believable stunts via camerawork, direction and editing.

Having participated, and without giving too much away, I can say that I never felt in danger of being injured. In fact, the producers and assistants had to constantly remind us to express fear rather than excitement when the host described our stunts.  I also saw some of the behind the scenes safety precautions and the special effects employed; lastly I witnessed how editing in that first episode tripled the danger factor for those at home watching.

In the scene where I was eliminated, for example, there were no sharks and we had no idea they were going to edit in shots of a shark fin later. It just wasn’t part of our experience at all except for one point where the host was joking about sharks. All three of us contestants were from Southern California and this took place in LA Harbor. None of us feared sharks. They kept telling us to act more afraid.

I was much more fearful during the anchor at the edge of the pier scene. I don’t know why. The pier was closer to the water than the crane on the back of the boat. But for that I was wearing a wet suit and a life jacket. The anchor pulling us down just freaked all of us out. Yet, the truth of the stunt was that by the time I turned around to see the guy who had gone down, he was already on the surface. In the show it looks like he just went down and stayed there for a while. Read the comments. Everyone is freaked out by that.

Was any of the fear genuine?  Of course! And all the stunts were “real” to the extent that the people in them were really there and really doing something very close to what you see on camera. It’s certainly not for the faint of heart any more than your best amusement park roller-coaster, which people will pay $50-$90 to ride. Those who were eliminated essentially got the chance to ride on a custom-made roller-coaster for free.

IT. WAS. AWESOME.

Do people really think that stuntmen in movies do EXACTLY what you see in the final cut onscreen? Those same movie professionals designed the stunts and prepared us for what was going to happen. The stunt was real. After having watched the first episode that aired, I appreciate the skill, talent and creativity of the folks who produced and contributed to this show.

In my case it was a dream come true. As an 11 year old boy, my 2 friends David and David and I used to imagine ourselves as stuntmen after school and on weekends.  In one of our fantasies come to life, we’d ride our bikes along an iceplant covered slope and jump off our moving bikes and go rolling down the hill as if we were the Six Million Dollar Man.

THAT was real.

No protection, no planning, no cameras to later kick it up a notch via editing.

What my fellow contestants did on this show was less real and less dangerous than that.

Reminder to self… what you FEEL, what you SEE, what you HEAR, what you BELIEVE can all be manipulated. It certainly happens to the most gullible and credulous among us. But it happens to even the most logical, skeptical and rational of minds.

Indeed, even what you EXPERIENCE can be tricked into appearing real.

Some ideas for Family Home Evening Discussions:

Is your perception of Jesus real?

Is your perception of what the bible condemns/approves of real?

Related articles

• Game Show Time (missdominiquelanae.wordpress.com)

Dear Bishop Blog #5 – Random Media Confessions

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Bishop, Confession, lust, Reality television, Repentance, Television, Television program

Dear Bishop, as is evidenced in the following post I watch way too much TV. All this TV watching is leading me down the path of sin. I need your help.

Bishop, let’s start off with the really bad confessions:

1. I have serious lust in my heart whenever I see Tristan MacManus‘ tongue on Dancing With The Stars

2. Speaking of tongue, William Levy could not even have one and I’d still manage to have lust in my heart when he opens his mouth…but the tongue certainly doesn’t hurt any.

3. I do love me my reality TV, Bishop. But  in keeping with my self-righteous Mormon upbringing I am keeping it rather high-brow.  I don’t watch anything with the word “housewives” or “Kardashian” in the title. But if it is a race or a talent competition,  I’m there.

It doesn’t all have to be sleazy. I adore Guilana and Bill on the Style Network. Yes, Bill is a hottie! (Sorry Bill and Guilana). I’m also having real  withdrawals from this big stretch of no So You Think You Can Dance (returns on May 24). Help me to get a life Bishop.

4. My heart is full of jealousy and envy today, Bishop, for the young gay teens out there right now. You see, when I was a young closeted gay boy filled with angst and shame I didn’t have one real or even fictional example of a healthy, gay adult. I didn’t even know a successful gay life was possible without landing me in prison or rehab. Now, they’re all over the TV for the current generation.

Real life celebrities coming out is hardly newsworthy anymore and it certainly doesn’t drastically impact their career in any negative way like it used to even up to the late 90’s. From the coming out of Neal Patrick Harris to Ricky Martin nobody cares anymore. And I believe everyone certainly has Ellen Degeneres to thank for that.

Now many TV Shows feature central gay characters. Cam and Mitch on Modern Family may just be my favorite, with Max on Happy Endings in a close second. But they’re all over reality TV and dramas too (Glee, Shameless, Whitney, GCB, Amazing Race, Survivor…).

The upcoming generation may not feel entirely comfortable in their gay skin but at least they have some characters and celebrities to establish a spectrum of normalcy that just didn’t exist for me as a kids. I mourn not having had that.

5.  I know, Bishop,  I know…. “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s … husband” But if these two ever break up I’m placing my dibs on the non-famous one on the right. I met them both at a party the other night…and O.M.G.

Scott Gill has a brain and personality to match. Move over John Barrowman! (who I will grant is talented and handsome too)

6. Something about an antihero really speaks to me. Give me a Shakespeare’s Falstaff over Snow White any day. Right now, on Nurse Jackie Edie Falco has my heart as she portrays a drug addicted screw-up. She’s a mess and I love her. Or how about any of the characters on Shameless.

I know I’m supposed to strive for goodness and righteousness, Bishop, but I feel like I learn more applicable life lessons from these anti-protagonists. It makes me realize why the Book of Mormon is so dull with its one-dimensional characters.

7. Bishop, In light of confession #4 above I must say that I’m a bit smug and feel like gloating for the fact that I can’t think of one real or fictional TV character that represents Mormons well.  I know there have been a handful of Mormons on Reality TV shows, mostly on The Biggest Loser or Survivor. I’m just not sure that that’s the representative demographic the LDS Church is looking for. The Mormon health code alone, The Word of Wisdom, obviously isn’t doing the Biigest Loser contestant any justice; and on Survivor, a contestant run will around in his Aaronic Priesthood underwear lying a little, taking the advantage of one because of his words, and digging a pit for his neighbor (2 Nephi 28:8).

The image that is seeping into the American mind via entertainment is erroneously coming from Big Love, Sister Wives, and Book of Mormon Musical. Yes there are some actors or characters who happen to be Mormon sprinkled throughout Hollywood, but unlike the gay characters I referenced above they tend to try to downplay their Mormonness whereas the gay characters are now allowed to be gay front and center.

As I’ve said many times, successful Mormons in the public eye are in politics (Romney, Reid, Hatch) or business (Marriott, Covey, Neeleman), not in art or entertainment. When they are in art, they do so by somehow compromising their Mormonness (wearing immodest clothing or working on Sunday) or their art (David Archuleta leaving it to go on a mission) or setting one of them aside altogether (Amy Adams, Eliza Dushku, Katherine Heigl).

Celebrities who happen to be Mormon...not characters in shows where Mormonness is a central theme to their character..and there would certainly be debate over how positive of an image some of these folks are giving the LDS faith.

It’s a little pitiful that after 40 years the Osmonds remain the best example out there of Mormon entertainers who are willing to BE Mormon front and center…and the Mormon church is left having to pay for TV commercials that portray themselves as average, acceptable and interesting neighbors. Most people don’t buy it.

I guess what I’m saying is that if I were a young teen today I still wouldn’t have a Mormon entertainer or TV characterI could look up to and tell myself it’s OK to be Mormon, be proud of it and in the public eye.   I’m sorry Bishop, but I find that funny.

See Also:

Dear Bishop Blog #1

Dear Bishop Blog #2 – 10 Random Confessions

Dear Bishop Blog # 3 – Random Confessions

Dear Bishop Blog – Confessions of a Liar

I’m on TV Tonight

Tags

Reality television, Television

Watch me on ABC at 9pm.  I’m the (white) bald guy.

I blogged about it here

“But I’m Still Awesome”

Tags

Critical thinking, criticism, Fatherhood, Honesty, Reality television, unconditional love

My secret guilty pleasure… Reality TV.

I’ve loved it ever since MTV’s “Real World” started it back in the early 90’s.  Then when “Survivor” and “Amazing Race” came in and added the game show element I was hooked.  I’m a sucker for game shows.

And they have to be pretty bad for me not to watch.  I have never really gotten into the dating, the therapy or the fake friends genres such as “The Bachelor”, “The Intervention” or “The Real Housewives of…” but I’ll watch just about anything else.

If there’s real talent involved at all then I’m even more of a fan. “So You Think You Can Dance” has got to be my all time favorite. “Work of Art”, “Top Chef” and “Project Runway” are cool too because the contestants have actual talent.

Anyway, there is a point to all of this so I’ll move on to it… There’s one thing that drives me crazy on those competition reality shows.  It’s something that’s also analogous to a challenge I face in being a good dad.

It’s when there’s someone with far less talent than the others, but they apparently have no clue of it themselves.  Or, in the case of a competition like “Survivor” where talent isn’t involved but wise decision-making is.  It drives me crazy when that person who makes a poor game choice comes back with a retort such as, “But I’m still awesome!” That was an actual line of a Survivor contestant  after being eliminated as a result of his world class stupid move.

Similarly, take “American Idol” or “Hell’s Kitchen” when the top final contestants are asked why they deserve to stay.  Often their answers circle around statements like, “Because I’ve wanted this my whole life” or “It means everything to me and my family and I’ve worked so hard for this.”

Am I the only one who thinks those are horrible answers to the question?  Who cares what it means to you or how long you’ve dreamed of it!  The question is why are you more of a champion than the next guy.  Do you have a better vocal range?  More stage presence?  Do you have more skill in the kitchen? A more discerning palate?

There seem to be a great number of people who believe they are awesome and deserving of a championship in a vacuum.  They are so amazing and wonderful that a win will rain down upon them.  But the truth is that in a competition, you are only awesome and deserving to win if you are better than the other guy.

The other day, I attended my son’s first public performance in his Jr. High School play.  It was fun and he was good.  It was probably the first acting performance for most of the cast.  It wasn’t about competition but a learning experience for everyone involved.  For what it was, it was awesome.

But it also got me thinking about this topic.  What if my son actually showed an amazing lack of talent?  Would I tell him?  Should I tell him?  I actually asked him later whether he’d rather have me,  as his father, cheer him on no matter what in a situation like that or critique him honestly…

When I was in the early stages of struggling in my marriage and we were considering separation, my ex and I had a discussion about how each of our families would react and behave afterward.  I was spot on with my prediction. I said that her family would stick by her no matter what the reason and I’d quickly become an enemy.  They are the type that would continue to proclaim her innocence if she were a convicted murderer on death row.  My family on the other hand was more of a mixed bag.  The reason for our split would matter more to my family.  They would pick and choose “sides” or even improve their relationship with her as long as they believed she was “in the right” or that I’d committed an egregious error.  Others in my family would maintain their relationships as they stood regardless.

That’s exactly what happened.

But which is better?  Doesn’t her family’s behavior seem more like unconditional love?  They’d be the type that would never critique their kids’ performance.  Isn’t family the place where each child should have such a refuge?

But isn’t that also what leads to these people on reality TV these days who are apparently clueless as to what it takes to EARN a championship?  Should my children have to earn praise?

Perhaps because of how I was raised, I see a fine line between unconditional love, healthy acceptance and encouraging an unhealthy delusion of self entitlement.  I just don’t exactly know for sure where that line is.