Time for some random confessions. I’m jonesing for that fix that can only come from a post-repentance high.
- Am I racist, Bishop? I’m really attracted to Caucasians with Asian-looking eyes, but to Asians with more rounded eyes. I also think this website is funny.
- Talking on the telephone makes me nervous. I tend to over-share when I’m on the phone in an unconscious attempt to fill the uncomfortable pauses. Please help me overcome this weakness, Bishop.
- I failed miserably as the tooth fairy this weekend. My 9 year old lost a tooth and I told her to put it under her pillow for the tooth fairly. Then, I just completely forgot about it…several days in a row and didn’t even realize it until she was already gone, back at her Mom’s. She’s the middle child, just like I was, and is probably used to this sort of neglect. I’m sure she also knows the facts of the tooth fairly but doesn’t want to admit it, because she wants her money. Now, she’s gone and I clearly can’t just call up and apologize. I don’t see any way to provide recompense for this sin.
- I have a love of money. Isn’t that the root of all evil, Bishop? Some money really would make me happier right now. People who think it wouldn’t have never struggled. More money doesn’t always make one happy, but when the difference is between NO money and SOME money, it makes a ginormous difference.
- I’m too judgmental of those with poor grammar. I just saw a TV commercial for a car touting the fact that it has “less doors.” I wouldn’t buy the car for that reason, and I’d certainly fire the ad agency if I were one of the automotive executives. Forgive me for being so critical, Bishop. I know I’m not always grammatically perfect either.
- I liked the guy in the new Footloose movie, Kenny Wormald. He was as good or dare I say better than Kevin Bacon in the original. Is it a sin to diss Kevin Bacon?
- Unlike every teacher always claimed, I think there really ARE stupid questions nowadays. Google it for crying out loud!
- I hesitate to even say this one… It evokes gasps and contemptuous looks from others … But, I don’t love all things Disney. I could live happily if I never went to Disneyland again. I do have fun taking my kids there, but for me it’s ALL about my kids and seeing the pleasure that they get out of it. I derive minimal joy out of languishing in that stroller hell for a day or two. Forgive me Bishop, for I know this is almost as blasphemous as saying that I am an atheist.
A few weeks ago I had a one-armed weekend. I saw both 127 Hours and Soul Surfer but neither one made me any more of a believer. Soul Surfer just made me want to throw mud on Carrie Underwood. Forgive me for that, Bishop. They both made me grateful for my all my limbs : my arms, my legs and every other body part. 127 Hours made me additionally grateful that I’m not a rock climber.
- As a gay man I’m ashamed to say I believe Glee jumped the shark when they released a major motion picture. And if all that isn’t enough evidence of shark jumping for you, remember: Gweneth Paltrow ….blech