I am a divorced father of 4 children.  I’m a post-Mormon.  I am a gay man.  This blog is my “primal scream” as I watch my children become indoctrinated with thought-terminating experiences and  mind-lulling pressure. This is about  how my rowboat of reason doesn’t stand a chance against the religious battleship of feelings and emotion in their daily lives.

How do you stand by and watch delusion take hold?  Intervention seems to just push them farther into the hypnotic embrace of their mother’s religion.

I’ve determined that I can’t resist it by pushing back.  Like with the martial art of Judo, sometimes giving in to the aggressive advance of an opponent will throw him off balance.

I will love my kids unconditionally.  Mormon or not Mormon.  And I’m not going to put them in the middle of the battle between their Mom’s religious fanaticism and my skepticism and humanism.

But this is a place for me to work off steam and frustration..offline so to speak.  Away from the family.  Away from those involved.

29 thoughts on “About”

  1. I just stumbled upon your blog. It is a Sunday afternoon where I had a bit of time to surf the internet. I plan to go and read through your posts in the next week or so. I am currently separated from my wife, heading for a divorce, and I think I am gay. It is bizarre to say “I think” as how can one not know this! I have just kept things buried for so long. If my wife hadn’t become addicted to prescription meds and turned into a different person, I would probably still be married to her. I have one child left at home, and she is living with me as I am the stable parent. Thanks for putting your thoughts down. I am struggling with this and I think reading your blog will help me.

    • I’m sorry I’m so late in replying to you. Thank you for your comment. I’m glad you found my blog helpful. I hope you’re finding your way. Good that your daughter a home has you for some stability.

  2. I found your blog on a Facebook page discussing the Arizonia vs Jodi Arias murder trial of her ex-boyfriend Travis Alexander. Both of them were Mormon. I am a lifelong member of the Lutheran Church and have an interest in learning about religions. I do not know if you know about this case but if you have followed any of it I would be interested in your comments or opinions on the Mormon related aspects of it, especially the hypocrital behavior of both of the people involved. They supposedly started having sexual activity that apparently some Mormons engage in yet still feel as if they as virgins. Thank you for any insight you can provide Your story interests me as I believe that spirituality is very different from organized religion and feel that much religion has damaged a lot of people in some very serious ways

    • I don’t know anything about it right now. I will read up on it and get back to you.

    • Just learned a bit more about that case… Even I wouldn’t label the behavior of these two as having anything to do with Mormonism. Their issues are something else entirely in my opinion. It doesn’t appear that either of them were heavily influenced by anything Mormon.

      I have heard of young people rationalizing non-vaginal penetrative as not sex, but I don’t think that is exclusively a Mormon thing at all. I’m sure some people do reach that conclusion. I know of people who have had oral sex and don’t think they’ve “had sex”, but any active Mormon wouldn’t buy it I don’t think.

  3. Snow Queen said:

    I found your blog while stealing a pic from one of your entries…after posting it to my blog I came bag and actually read your post and found it was similar to mine. You’re blog is very encouraging to read as I go through the same…

  4. I am a straight, married father of 3(soon to be four) served an honorable mission and grew up in and still active in the church. I stumbled on to your blog researching my “porn addiction”. I book marked it because it gives me a better understanding of the struggles we all face. I believe you are doing a great thing here.

    • MR.

      Thank you so much for your comment. I wish you the best as you become a father of four. I hope you are being kind to yourself and keeping it all in perspective! All the best to you.

  5. I’m gay, divorced with three children and embarking on a venture in post Mormonism. I hope to learn a bit at the well of your blog.

  6. stumbled upon your blog today and while i’m not morman and was raised baptist i can somehow relate to a tiny bit of it. my father, whom i have nothing to do with now raised us that if we weren’t in church and doing all for God then any sickness, bad grades, accidents, evil things that happened to us were punishment from God for not doing and living right. He would actually ground us for getting sick as children because he just knew we obviouly had done something wrong. I hated God for along time and as I had children I slowly started to embrace spirituality again. I made a big mistake by getting back together with my father and it almost caused a nervous breakdown. I may not have gone through as much as some but I went through enough for me. I look forward to reading more of your blog.

    • Thanks for stopping by and commenting. It does sound like there were a lot of similarities. As far as Mormon parents go, I had pretty flexible ones. My Mom was a bit fanatic but I’ve seen much worse. Once she passed away I think I felt more free to be myself…to think for myself. It would have been much more challenging to confront in person like you had to.

  7. I was looking for an email to contact you directly with my fanboy-isms, so I’ll keep the following to a minimum. This blog is in my top 5 ExMo/Gay Mormon blogs at the moment. It’s positively insightful and consistently personal, never falling into a rut.

  8. I am a Mormon, and I try and demonstrate the same respect and tolerance that I expect from others. While I may have a different perspective, I found yours very interesting and intelligent. It always fascinates me how different people can process the same information and interpret it so differently. Your blog did not read like the typical bitter ex-Mormon – it came across as fair and sincere. If our paths have crossed, and I have ever caused you harm. I offer my my apology. I believe that most people are doing the best they know how – and simply making mistakes along the way. Some are just slow learners.

    • Thank you for stopping by my blog and commenting honestly! I can most certainly say that you have never offending me personally. Very few Mormons have to be quite honest. I do find the doctrine and culture offensive on a grander scale, but I can’t think of a time an individual Mormon has ever offended me on a personal level. It’s often a misconception that those of us who leave have been offended in some way and it’s simply not true. I believe at all levels of Mormon hierarchy people are “doing the best they know how.” My only criticism would be that there’s really not much effort put into learning a better way. When you’ve decidedly got the truth, you tend not to explore much after that. Once when somone asked how I came to learn what I did that caused me to leave the LDS Church my response was, “line upon line.” I wish you the best and hope you come back and comment again.

      • “there’s really not much effort put into learning a better way.”
        You’ve pretty well summed it up. You are right–the saddest thing about the certitude of having all the truth is that it prevents further search for light and knowledge and allows members to settle for mediocrity in so many areas.

  9. I have seen you ‘around’, but this is the first time I’ve ever visited your blog. Wow. That’s all I can say. You sure have been through the ringer. I look forward to reading more.

  10. I’d be honored! I hope that if I ever am in a similar situation as you with an ex-wife and kids I will have the decency and strength to handle it as you have.

  11. What a poignant story! I think I’ll bookmark you.

    By the way, you have a very interesting style of writing.

  12. Way to go.

    I used to be mormon for 25 years, not anymore. I attend bahai meetings and I feel pretty comfortable with it.

    Greetings from Belgium.

  13. I see you like humor. I wrote a novel that might amuse you.

    Click to access elder-wonder-comes-of-age%20jaronbs.pdf



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