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I read recently in my friend’s blog, Gay Mormon Southpaw about a phenomenon I’d never heard of before, “cuddle parties.”


Gay men get together just to cuddle?


I don’t get impersonal intimacy.

I’m just as gay as the next homo, but I can’t wrap my head around the prevalence of some things that are stereo-typically gay.

I assume they all cuddle and just pretend that they’re not getting boners and that that’s all going to help them to feel whole?

And it’s not just the Mormon gays either. Out here in Gentile or heathen land, personal online gay dating profiles often list “passionate kissing” as something the headliner enjoys. REALLY? With anyone? You’ve got to be super hot and we’ll need a lot of chemistry on the first date if there’s going to be any “passionate kissing” going on. I’ll kiss you, but it will be in line with how I fell about you. Am I the weird one?

As my kids will attest, I’m a touchy-feely kind of guy. Anyone I’ve been in a relationship with will agree. I’m not stiff or afraid of touch but enjoying that with some random stranger or even an acquaintance gives me the willies. Without the meaning and context, touch just seems creepy to me.

“Impersonal Intimacy” … sounds like an oxymoron I know. That’s because it is!

As an example, everyone has a social comfort zone or personal space. Depending on the culture, this zone dictates how comfortable we feel when approached by another person and how close we allow them into our space.  Here in the U.S. loved ones can usually touch or get 0-18 inches from us and we’re OK with it. Friends have a wider zone and mere acquaintances an even wider one.

This plays into many parts of our lives, even going to the bathroom. If there are 3 urinals, no socially savvy man would be the first to arrive and select the middle one. If there is a row of 7 urinals and only two men, there are personal zoning rules that dictate where each should elect to use. Rules change depending on gender and culture. (The International Center for Bathroom Etiquette). At a sporting event or concert they are all used shoulder to shoulder and there’s no problem with that. Context is everything.

I’m not even a prude. I’ve done and seen some really weird shit…but I won’t brag or embarrass myself here by describing it. My “rules” are kind of like gigolo or prostitute rules. No kissing or “true” intimacy unless I mean it, but it makes sense to me. I don’t think I’m different from any man in that sense.

I’ve told 2 people that I love them. EVER. That’s excluding family members such as my kids of course who I tell at every opportunity. That’s my goodbye on the phone and theirs. “Bye. I love you!”

Actions and words mean something to me.

If I were poly-amorous I could see joining a “cuddle party” and passionate kisses with more than one person.

I’m not.

I don’t really see the point otherwise. Enlighten me please.