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Dear Bishop.

I’m back! It’s been almost a year since my last confession.

Don’t let the long time-lag fool you, I love me some good ole repentance!  I don’t mean the actual process of repentance but the feeling that comes afterward;  I’m talking about that light, clean and pure feeling that anything wrong I had done was forgotten and fixed.

I miss that.

So, here goes…

  • I’ve been living under a rock apparently. I just heard this song, Same Love, yesterday for the first time and LOVE IT. I love the message. I love the juxtaposition of the hip hop of the male with the melodic vocals of the female. I just love everything about it. Why had I never heard it before? I was apparently hiding under a bushel in the lone and dreary world. As a gay man how could I have not heard this song before? I’m truly regretful Bishop, but as he says in the song, “No freedom till we’re equal.”same love

(Click on the pic for the YouTube video. I’ve printed the lyrics down at the end of this post.)

  • Since my divorce I’ve regularly taken my kids out for “alone time” with me individually. I try to cycle through the four of them about every six months. Sometimes it has been a trip together and other times it it just going out to a movie, dinner or bowling – their choice. I believe I’ve only done it once in the last year. I just completed my first round of the year so I’m getting back on track. I desire all to receive it.
  • Last night in my alone time with my 13 year old daughter I felt not a slight twinge of glee as she voluntarily revealed to me how she felt at having to attend the Women’s meeting of the LDS General Conference with her mother, “It was boring and I didn’t even listen to anything they said…” and then she proceeded to relate her frustration at the Mormon obsession with girls’ shoulders, coffee and her disdain at one day being expected to wear garments. Apparently she was also 1 of two girls who didn’t bear testimony at girls camp weeks ago! I’m sorry bishop that I was smiling and joyful inside that she’s beginning to think for herself. It led to a wonderful discussion about modesty, the Word of Wisdom and the fanaticism she sees in the church. For the first time in her life I got to cautiously share with her what I believe! I’m so proud of her! Power be upon me and my posterity!
  • I found myself lusting after a married man this week, Bishop. Do I get to do any less penance if was a GAY married man? Listen to the Gay Mormon Stories Podcast series on Brett Bradshaw (021-024) and I dare you not to find Brett Bradshaw an irresistible hottie and just a great role model for young gay men. Brett's family Brett BradshawI urge all to receive it.
  • I’m a fully out gay man and yet having moved to a new city recently, there are several colleagues and acquaintances to whom I haven’t come out yet. I still feel some of that old familiar fear because I’m not exactly living in Palm Springs anymore. This is as deep in the Mormon Belt as you can get without actually being in Utah. Let’s put some perspective on it: there are more Mormon Churches here than there are Starbucks. My income is still very tenuous and I don’t feel established enough nor legally supported enough in this locale yet to be able to say, “What the Fuck!” I confess that my self-preservation is currently overpowering my courage. I’ll return and report soon.

What the Fuck

SEE ALSO:

Dear Bishop Blog

Dear Bishop Blog #2 – 10 Random Confessions

Dear Bishop Blog # 3 – Random Confessions

Dear Bishop Blog #4 – Confessions of a Liar

Dear Bishop Blog #5 – Random Media Confessions

MACKLEMORE LYRICS

“Same Love”
(with Ryan Lewis)
(feat. Mary Lambert)

When I was in the third grade I thought that I was gay
‘Cause I could draw, my uncle was, and I kept my room straight
I told my mom tears rushing down my face
She’s like “Ben you’ve loved girls since before pre-k tripping, ”
Yeah, I guess she had a point, didn’t she?
Bunch of stereotypes all in my head.
I remember doing the math like, “Yeah, I’m good at little league”
A preconceived idea of what it all meant
For those that liked the same sex
Had the characteristics
The right wing conservatives think it’s a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man-made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing God, aw nah here we go
America the brave still fears what we don’t know
And God loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago
I don’t know

And I can’t change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
I can’t change
Even if I try
Even if I wanted to
My love
My love
My love
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm

If I was gay, I would think hip-hop hates me
Have you read the YouTube comments lately?
“Man, that’s gay” gets dropped on the daily
We become so numb to what we’re saying
A culture founded from oppression
Yet we don’t have acceptance for ’em
Call each other faggots behind the keys of a message board
A word rooted in hate, yet our genre still ignores it
Gay is synonymous with the lesser
It’s the same hate that’s caused wars from religion
Gender to skin color, the complexion of your pigment
The same fight that led people to walk outs and sit ins
It’s human rights for everybody, there is no difference!
Live on and be yourself
When I was at church they taught me something else
If you preach hate at the service those words aren’t anointed
That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned
When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless
Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen
I might not be the same, but that’s not important
No freedom till we’re equal, damn right I support it

(I don’t know)

And I can’t change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love
My love
My love
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm

We press play, don’t press pause
Progress, march on
With the veil over our eyes
We turn our back on the cause
Till the day that my uncles can be united by law
When kids are walking ’round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart
A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are
And a certificate on paper isn’t gonna solve it all
But it’s a damn good place to start
No law is gonna change us
We have to change us
Whatever God you believe in
We come from the same one
Strip away the fear
Underneath it’s all the same love
About time that we raised up

And I can’t change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
I can’t change
Even if I try
Even if I wanted to
My love
My love
My love
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is patient
Love is kind
(I’m not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient
(I’m not crying on Sundays)
Love is kind
(I’m not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient
(I’m not crying on Sundays)
Love is kind
(I’m not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient
(I’m not crying on Sundays)
Love is kind
(I’m not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient
Love is kind

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