(Reblogged from Nov 2, 2011)
Feel free to ask me more questions and I’ll put them here too…
How can you still pray if you don’t believe in God?
I still sing Christmas carols but I don’t believe in Santa Claus anymore.
What was your secret Mormon temple name?
I’ll tell you in person, but not online where Mormons I love may one day read it and be horrified by my desecrating something they are conditioned to take seriously.
Here’s how they come up with the “new name” for everyone, though. If you remember the day you first went to the temple and which temple it was, there’s a reference book in which they can look up your “new name.” In other words, all individuals doing their first Endowment ceremony at the same temple on the same day have the same “new name.”
It’s typically a biblical or Book of Mormon name like Judah, Jacob or Boaz for the men and Esther, Ruth or Jezebel for the women.
What do Mormon underwear look like?
They only come in white with a small variety of possible fabrics! The thing that makes them special are markings (masonic symbols) embroidered in 4 places: over the knee, over the navel and over both nipples.
For men they look like long boxer briefs that come almost to the knee and a white T-shirt. For women they are pretty much the same with lacing, a bit shorter sleeves and cut to account for a different body shape. The weird thing to me is that women are told to wear their bra OVER the garments.
Don’t you miss wearing them (garments)?
No. I love my colorful underwear!
Are you trying to recruit young men and women to a gay lifestyle?
Oddly enough this scare tactic often comes from conservative organizations with very robust recruiting armies.
No, I get no rewards in heaven for “recruiting.” There are plenty of self-actualized gay men out in the dating pool right now for me already. I have zero investment in whether or not another soul on this planet is homosexual. Like most gay men I’m attracted to men, not boys so I have no desire to convince a young man to “try out” being gay for my own benefit.
What I AM interested in doing is assisting someone who already is homosexual to come out and make a better life for himself or herself. If I could minister to or advise a young man who was like me at 17 to not make the same personal mistakes that I’ve made, then I’d say I’d help that young man any way I could.
I think this question actually stems from the fear and insecurity of a straight man that he might be gay or that someone could actually make him gay … otherwise it makes no sense whatsoever.
Gay men seem to favor random sex in public places, don’t they?
A couple of things on this…
Public figures such as politicians and celebrities who have been caught doing this seem to more often be conservative, straight-married men. In other words, the ones having sex in airport bathrooms these days are the ones who have NOT accepted and acknowledged their homosexuality.
OUT gay men don’t need to meet in public parks and restrooms. We now have social groups, clubs, bars and even our own churches where we can meet to start relationships.
Didn’t you just love Mama Mia?
I loved the Broadway play. It was campy and fun. I hated the movie. I just couldn’t get over the poor casting – most of the celebrity leads were a good 20 years too old for the characters they were playing.
When did you discover you were gay?
It’s not something one discovers. It wasn’t an epiphany. It wasn’t a switch or a light bulb that turned on. It’s like asking when you realized you had a left hand. I always knew. What actually happened is that I learned at one point what the word “gay” meant and that it was a very bad thing and that it most definitely described me.
What’s it like to be a gay father?
Pretty much exactly the same as being a straight Mormon father except now I’m open to discussing any topic easily and openly with my children.
You’re not really an atheist; you’re just mad at god.
Uh, I suppose… as mad as one can get at a non-existence, mythical creature. As mad as I was was years after the day I found out there was no Santa Clause…
How can I tell when someone is gay?
Why do you need to know? The only time I can imagine it should matter is if you are gay and interested in a relationship with that person. In that case, trust me, it’s easy. We can spot each other quite well. You’ll do just fine.
If you’re an atheist, then why is the universe here?
I don’t know (And neither do you).
Man, you sound just like an angry anti-Mormon.
If being informed and loving the truth is “angry” or “anti” then I guess I’m that, but I don’t consider myself either one.
However, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with a bit of anger at having been sold a shoddy set of goods, encouraged to make a lifelong commitment to that set of goods by the age of 8, and later compelled to recruit others using the same weak foundational stories. Why shouldn’t someone be angry at being scammed?
What is the most difficult part about your children still being raised Mormon by their mother?
That it is a very “US vs THEM” environment and my having left my religion of birth makes me a THEM to everyone with whom they interact, even to my kids. It is a very disrespectful organization to parents who don’t fit their mold. I fear I will be writing THIS one day. It causes good parents to be summarily dismissed from significant life events without a blink of the eye.
Top or bottom?
Offensive question. None of your business.
It stems from the need to put homosexuals into a box that is familiar to heterosexuals. It’s a box where one partner acts as the woman and one acts as the man … all the time. The truth is that it’s not even a question that needs to be addressed for every gay sexual encounter. I recently read an article that said gay men reported anal sex as only 10% of their sexual activity.
So, if you want to know the big difference between the gay sex and the straight sex that I’ve experienced, it lies in the 90% of non-intercourse-like sex. My straight wife’s willingness to to anything sexual that wasn’t intercourse was non-existent.
Why are wives and parents seemingly always the last ones to discover their loved one is gay?
I supposed it’s because they are too heavily invested in their own answer to the question … or too fearful of the question itself.
What’s your advice to a young person struggling with “Same-Sex attraction?”
First of all, it probably comes quite naturally and easy you’re probably not “struggling with it.” Everyone else is having the struggle and it is difficult to be the cog in the wheel of their fantasy life for you. Don’t let the fear and shame overtake you like I did. Admitting the truth… finally… was one of the things I’m proudest for in my life.
Trust yourself. The people who will react poorly, in an unloving and unsupportive way, by your coming out today will in 20 years time prove to be lousy friends or harsh and judgmental family members anyway.