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Act I

Background: I work remotely most of the time and see co-workers several times a year at team meetings or customer trainings. The traveling trainer, a midwestern woman in her late 40’s, and I had just completed a morning of training with one of my key customers.

[Scene: At a Sandwich shop, casually eating lunch and making small talk]

Trainer: So, Dadprimalscream, you have to tell me something about your sales team. All those other guys seem so pretty. Are they gay?

Me: What makes you think they are gay?

Trainer: Well either that, or they’re metro-sexuals. They all dressed so adorably at the last national sales meeting.

Me: Who specifically are you talking about?

Trainer: Oh James and Kristian and Kurt, etc

Me: You want to know something funny? All those guys you just named are straight. Guess who IS gay!

Trainer [excited for some juicy gossip]: Who?!

Me: The frumpiest dressing one of the whole group.

Trainer[thinking]: Hmmm…[worried look on her face]

Me: Go ahead, say it…

Trainer[meekly]: You?

Me: Ding! Ding! Ding! You’ve just found the gay guy! Your prize is a new gaydar tune up!

Trainer: Nooooo! Really? [Now thrilled to be in the know]

...Or WANT to...

Act II

Trainer: Ok so now I have tons of questions.

Me[expecting the standard tactless inquiries about whether I’m sure I’m gay or not, how I know, or top/bottom]: Uh…Ok

Trainer:  I just went on vacation to your hometown and hardly saw any Christmas lights. What gives? Don’t they celebrate Christmas there?

Me: I thought it was going to be a gay question. Well, actually the answer probably is gay. Think about it. The largest demographics in the town are gay men and the elderly. Which one of those do you think is going to climb up on a tall ladder and hang Christmas lights?


And now we close with our Family Home Evening activity inspired by THIS art project.

Game: Find the gay in each picture

Again... all of them

See also:

Are You One Too?

FAQs: On Being Gay, a Non-believer, Mormon, a Father

GAYDAR: Outside Persona vs. Inner Truth

Membership Cards and Privileges

Random Gay Thoughts