My ex-wife’s 3rd marriage occurs on Friday. It’ll be her second temple marriage.
Whatever the event schedule is that day, the kids will be done by 8:00 PM and I’ll be at their house (4 hours away from mine) waiting for someone to drop them off back home. I’ll be spending the weekend with my kids in my ex-wife’s house while she honeymoons with number 3.
My daughter just called to tell me of her plans for when she first sees me on Friday. She informed me that she’ll likely just quickly say hello and then hurry up to her room to change clothes. She’s being forced to wear a dress and will want to peel it off immediately!
I’d love to think she’s planning our greeting, but I know she really just dreads being forced to wear “girly” clothes…. and she doesn’t want me to see her in them.
She likes to dress like a boy. At my house she can and she does. She wears boy’s board shorts and a rash guard in the pool. When we shop for clothes she doesn’t even want to look in the girl’s section.
I’m not privy to all the details of the dress code at the other house, but this wedding (which the kids will likely spend in a temple foyer) and surely church on Sunday require dresses and skirts. When I’ve picked the kids up from school in the past, this daughter has been wearing pants or shorts…but girls’ styles. I don’t think her mom lets her shop in the boys’ section.
My ex-wife was rumored to be a tomboy too, but I think she “grew out of it” by 9 years old, the age of our daughter. Our girl shows no signs of changing.
And I see nothing wrong with it of course. She’s perfect the way she is.
At 9 she is the thoughtful and compassionate one.
She is the one who asked me this past Christmas how she could earn some money to buy gifts for her brother and sisters.
When we lived downtown, she was the one who suggested we give our leftovers to one of the many homeless individuals camping out on the street below.
She is the one who learns about recycling and conservation in school and comes home wanting to actually DO something about it.
She is also the one who takes the initiative to call me asking to attend one of her class field trips or even a church activity. I try my best to go to anything I’m invited to.
She’s a straight ‘A’ student and I think her intelligence comes from asking brilliant questions. At 5 or 6 I remember her asking this one: “Dad. If Jesus is magic and created everything how did he create magic?”
And if I haven’t painted her perfect enough already, she’s naturally athletic above even boys her age. She was recruited off her co-ed rec football team into a girl’s team playing along girls a few years older than she is.
At my home she doesn’t even own a dress and I couldn’t care less if she ever does or doesn’t wear one.
I’m proud of her character, her brains and her humanity.
I have a feeling that when she grows up we’ll have some awesome, understanding conversations.
A beautiful tribute. I can tell you love her very much. Thanks for sharing.
Your daughter sounds so wonderful! Thanks for sharing this.
A beautifully written tribute to your girl. Mine is the same way, and at 18 (next week) nothing has changed, although she has started to think about learning to use a curling iron lately. She wouldn’t be caught dead in a dress, is most comfortable in her jeans and flannel shirt, and also wears boy’s swim trunks and a t-shirt when she swims. She’s also smart, hilariously funny, compassionate and thoughtful. I’m proud to be her mom, no matter what she wears, and no matter who she loves.
I wrote a post years ago about how I feel as an ex-Mormon raising a daughter who will never know the pressure, fear and restrictions I grew up with. She asked me about the church and what it was like for me recently, and seriously thought I was making most of it up. I’m so grateful she feels so free to be herself without all of that fear and expectation squashing her down.
http://thetaoofme.com/2005/09/10/futures-so-bright-i-gotta-wear-shades/
Great post.
I really love that you are allowing her to throw social gender roles out the window. She is lucky to have a dad that let’s her just be her!
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I think you and your daughter are lucky to have each other!
I was sort of like her growing up (dress-phobic), but much less nice and never grew out of wearing boys clothes. I didn’t get along well with either of my folks like you guys do, tho. My dad would come home bearing gifts for his younger pair of daughter and son – two stetsons, one with blue clothe wrap and one with pink wrap – inevitable I end up with the blue stetson and my younger brother crying in the corner somewhere nursing a black eye… Something like that every time, but neither mom nor dad ever took the hint. My poor brother…. he ended up with lots of black eyes for it.
THANKS Smorg. I am lucky indeed.