Porn for Mormons

Due to the fact that I get a lot of traffic for my masturbation post and page for Mormons, I’ve decided to enhance my commentary offerings to include porn.

You’re welcome.

I’m guessing that the combination of searches for “porn” and “Mormons” will double my daily site visits.  I’ll let you know.

Most people today consider porn and masturbation to be mutually inclusive.  They’re not.

They each can “occur” without the other. And while I’d assume that their histories are very closely related, I’d guess that porn is a relatively recent phenomenon in human history.  Other animals masturbate, but I don’t know that porn exists in the natural world.

Masturbation is a natural behavior and porn is an artificial cross-sell. While I don’t categorically agree with the hysterical cries that all porn is evil, you may be surprised that I don’t see it all as harmless either.  I tend to agree with Bill Maher of all people who recently commented on it saying that porn had become a lazy person’s replacement for real intimacy. The truth is that overindulgence in porn does seem to reduce sexual satisfaction. So, it is more of  a foolish time-consumer, rather than a morally harmful activity.

Porn should be plan B, not plan A.

The catch is that human behavior dictates that the more you try to control, restrict or prevent a human pleasure the more people will be drawn to it.

Society is obsessed with controlling porn, Mormons especially so.

Bubbling

There’s a whole Mormon web site dedicated to combating porn. For good reason? A 2009 study indicated that Utah spends more on adult online entertainment than any other state. Mormons have even developed a porn substitute called Bubbling.

Is that good or bad?

I’m actually not sure it’s clear if Mormons are inherently more prurient, but I’d wager that it’s the Mormons’ obsession with the issue of porn itself that causes all their people to be drawn to it in the first place. Therefore, the web site, the pamphlets and the talks are just contributing to the activity.

The more shameful and clandestine any society makes a behavior, the more popular it will be. There is honest debate whether attraction to porn has any harmful effects or that anything called “porn addiction” really exists.

It doesn’t according to the APA.

I’d venture to say that a “combat porn” web site or a counseling group will never assist a single person to permanently avoid porn. Human beings rarely avoid doing pleasurable things by thinking about NOT doing them.  All that sort of approach does is make you think about the target behavior MORE thus creating an unhealthy shame/obsession cycle. For example:

  • People don’t become healthy by reading/thinking/talking about NOT eating cake or NOT ordering a pizza.
  • People don’t control their alcohol consumption by reading/thinking/talking about NOT drinking alcohol and NOT entering bars.
  • People don’t become compassionate by reading/thinking/talking about NOT becoming angry.

Like porn  sweets, carbs, alcohol and anger are not evil in and of themselves.  They become foolish and destructive behaviors by the time, place and amount in which they are indulged. Not by their mere presence in someone’s life. Teach an individual to focus on the positive sides of the coin such as healthy food, exercise, moderation, social skills and compassion and the so-called negative behaviors will usually take care of themselves.

The occasional candy bar, chips and dip, beer,  angry outburst and wank to an xtube video becomes irrelevant when a person’s life and habits are focused on the positive. And just like alcohol or driving a car, porn should be kept from children until they are at a mature age to be able to moderate their behavior.

Porn, like its father and partner masturbation, is best practiced in private, when alone or with fully consenting adults and when no other reasonable opportunity for real intimacy exists.  In other words, it’s the exception; it’s the treat that provides no real nourishment or long-lasting rewards, but it feels good at the moment and it’s part of life.

Ideas for Family Home Evening Discussions

Take the hysteria down a notch.  If you have been told you are addicted to porn or if you are concerned for a loved one, take an honest self evaluation.

This photo did more for me at 16 than any porn magazine could

  • What exactly is porn?
  • Do you view porn only alone or with a willing partner?
  • Is it just filling in the gaps when there would be no sexual intimacy or is it taking the place of actual sexual intimacy?
  • Has it become preferable to actual intercourse?
  • Which happens more? Viewing porn or real intimacy with a partner?
  • Have you ever lost sleep, work or social opportunities due to your viewing of porn?

If it has become too pervasive in that it negatively impacts intimate relationships, perhaps it is time to  consider positive activities for your time and relationship.

Or, on the other hand if you are a loved one or partner whose main concern is that it’s a “sin” or “immoral” perhaps you need to consider how your own obsession with porn is actually contributing to the behavior you view as a negative.  The truth is that you can’t push anyone to lose weight, control their own alcohol consumption or limit their own viewing of porn. They have to do it all on their own.

I know for myself that the mere acceptance of interest in porn has greatly reduced my desire to participate in it. It’s counter-intuitive but true. If I’m sick, traveling, tired, have a headache or if I just don’t feel like being intimate I couldn’t care less if my partner masturbates and views porn.  Why do you?

On the other hand, if I’m ready and willing and my partner is more interested in the computer and his right hand – that’s a problem.

ANOTHER UPDATE: Re-Thinking Porn; The Internet Factor

Update: Here’s another article that confirms my suspicions and another HERE

Other things I’ve posted on the topic:

Sexual Unhappiness is a Religiously Transmitted Disease

LDS Physician – Masturbation

The Masturbation Talk for Mormon Boys and Girls

About dadsprimalscream

I am a divorced father of 4 children. I'm a post-Mormon. I am a gay man. This blog is my "primal scream" as watch my children faithfully indoctrinated with thought-terminating experiences and mind-lulling pressure... and how my rowboat of reason doesn't stand a chance against the religious and emotional battleship in their daily lives. How do you stand by and watch delusion take hold? Intervention seems to just push them farther into the hypnotic embrace of their mother religion.
This entry was posted in Guilt, Masturbation, Porn, Shame and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Porn for Mormons

  1. Jared says:

    I just stumbled across your blog. Very amusing post! I look forward to more :)

  2. Carla says:

    “I know for myself that the mere acceptance of interest in porn has greatly reduced my desire to participate in it.” – SO true!

    I absolutely agree – the melodramatics and exaggeration about all the harm it causes only exacerbates the problem … because it’s not actually a problem. They’re pathologizing something that’s normal, and definitely not inherently unhealthy.

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  4. PermaGuilt says:

    Ideas for Family Home Evening Discussions…
    HILARIOUS!!!!!

  5. Becky says:

    I like the pic that did more for you at 16 than any porn ever could. I LOLed. I’m not a fan of porn, but I am also not hysterically against it like the poor Mormons are. Yeah, they’re obsessed!

  6. Jen says:

    I’ve always thought “porn addiction” (or any addiction) is a symptom of a greater problem, not the problem itself.

    If you never look at porn, it will never take over your life… just like if you never have a drink, you will never become an alcoholic. That doesn’t mean you are a healthy human being… it just means you find some other way to avoid your life.

    I have seen men who are addicted to porn… It takes over their lives. Hours. Money. Relationships. Work. All down the drain because they can’t think about anything else. I also think if the shame and the thrill of sneaking around were gone, the reasons for looking would be gone.

    • In the case of overindulgence, I almost wrote something about how guys might not look at so much porn if they were getting some…. but I decided not to because I think it sounds like it’s placing blame on the partner. It’s a chicken – egg question. Which comes first, a guy seeking out porn and MB to get off because he’s not getting some at home, or his partner not giving some and so him seeking out porn and MB? I didn’t want to get involved in the blame game like that. I imagine both scenarios are possible and somewhere in the middle is most common.

      I know men who are considered to have a porn problem because they’ve looked at it… at all, ever. On the other side I have a friend who divorced because porn is all one partner did…no couple intimacy, just porn. Both extremes are crazy.

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